Rosebud
When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he's holding a gun. Duffman can't breathe! OH NO! Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
Homer: Bad Man
Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that's a *really* useful invention! This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story." This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story." We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
- I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children.
- Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
- Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns."
The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. You don't win friends with salad. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! Ahoy hoy?
Bart the Daredevil
Here's to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life's problems. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
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